Facebook comment scholars know that the CV 19 rules in Owensboro are difficult to understand. But one surefire way to have an event is to make money and for it to not benefit children. That’s why a group of local citizens who call themselves S.O.B.E.R. (Saving Owensboro’s Big Event Revenue) have taken matters into their own hands and have started a petition to get downtown bar owners to sell White Claw hard seltzer with proceeds going to local investors and the old money in hopes a Christmas parade can happen.
S.O.B.E.R. spokesperson Berry N. Tossakadid told Enduring Owensboro, “Everyone needs to sign the petition and get this parade going ASAP…we gotta drink so the kids can have a somewhat normal Christmas.”
If a parade happens children are encouraged to put their letters to Santa in envelopes clearly marked “Property Taxes” to make it look like they aren’t having any fun. “We can’t risk a last minute shutdown” Tossakadid said, “Santa’s elves may need to be disguised as auditors to avoid looking jolly.”
S.O.B.E.R. also suggested that all groups participating should perform live music from the 70s and 80s as another method to keep everyone as safe as possible from CV 19.